


lost and found

by EvanesDust



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dreams, Feral Derek Hale, Full Shift Werewolves, Lonely Stiles Stilinski, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Mates Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Memories, Memory Alteration, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Stiles Stilinski Doesn't Know About Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-10-04 01:51:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17295419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvanesDust/pseuds/EvanesDust
Summary: After his 21st birthday, Stiles finally has enough money to move out on his own. It’s been 6 months and while he sees his father often, he sometimes still feels alone. Which is why he’s currently standing outside of Beacon Hills Humane Society.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [comic au](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/446450) by pilot-star. 



> *what even is a 'comma'? as always all mistakes are my own.*

After his 21st birthday, Stiles finally has enough money to move out on his own. It’s been 6 months and while he sees his father often, he sometimes still feels alone. Which is why he’s currently standing outside of Beacon Hills Humane Society.

Walking in, he heads to the front desk, talking with the girl behind the counter, letting her know what he’s looking for. While puppies are cute and it’s absolutely adorable watching them grow up, Stiles is realistic, he’s a college student with a part-time job, which means no time to house train. He’s taken to the back. Looking into each kennel, he smiles at each dog and leans over to talk to the ones brave enough to come close. None call to him though. Until…

There’s a large black, wolf looking dog staring intently at him. There’s a tug at his heart and he’s drawn over. Kneeling in front of the fence, he looks up at the girl. “This one.”

“You sure?” she asks him, nodding to the remaining kennels, “there’s still a bunch you haven’t looked at yet.”

There’s no question in his mind. “Yeah, this is the one.”

At the counter, Stiles fills out the necessary paperwork as the staff bring his new friend to the front, ‘Shadow’ according to his papers. “We’re really glad you picked him. You’re the first person he has let near him. We think he went through a lot of pain.”

He offers the girl a shy smile. “He must be lonely.” Patting Shadow’s head assuredly, Stiles whispers, “he’ll be okay now.” Reaching for the leash, he calls back a quick ‘ _thanks_ ’ before heading out the door.

“C’mon, boy,” he says, leading him through the parking lot. Unlocking the jeep, he throws open the door. When the dog jumps in, Stiles thinks he sees something. _Huh_ . Rubbing through the fur, he notices a strange marking on Shadow’s skin. _Weird_.

Stopping by the pet store on their way home, Stiles begins contemplating a name for the dog.

“So what should I name ya buddy? Unless you want to stick with what they named you at the Humane Society? Hmm? You think about that while we shop.” Going through the list given to him, Stiles fills the cart with all sorts of supplies, treats, and food. Whistling when the clerk gives him the total, Stiles looks down at the dog. “Well, you’re definitely stuck with me now…”

Looking back through the rearview mirror, Stiles mindlessly calls out names watching for a response. The traditional Buddy, Rover, and Fido were thrown out immediately.  _Okay, guess we'll stick with Shadow_...

With the bags from the pet store in one hand and the leash in the other, Stiles introduces Shadow to his new home. “Okay, so the apartments small. Well, not small, it’s fine for us. I don’t get a lot of visitors and unless you plan on bringing someone home, I think we’ll make it work.” Stiles was lucky enough to rent a first floor studio apartment with a private patio that backs up to the woods. “I figure we can go running-” he snorts at the look on Shadow’s face- “are you giving me shit? You don’t even know me dude. I run. I’ve run. I _can_ run. If I wanted…” Shaking his head, he looks back out the window. “You probably need to go, don’t you? Though, I should probably get you on a schedule.”

Walking over to his fridge, he looks at his schedule. “I’ve a pretty sweet schedule, most of my classes are online and the two I have to go in for are on mondays, wednesdays, and fridays, with a couple of hours in between classes, so I should be able to come home and walk you. As for work, thanks to my dad, I only have to work at the station on weekends and should be able to come home for lunch.”

He looks over at Shadow standing by the door. “Alright, yeah, I guess now seems as good a time as any.” Connecting the leash to his collar, Stiles ruffles Shadow’s fur. “I’m pretty sure I’m always home during this time. Let’s go buddy.”

The run- okay, that’s a lie- the _jog_ through the woods actually feels better than Stiles expected. Shadow ran directly beside him and didn’t try to pull away once, even when a rabbit darted across their path. After cleaning and filling the water bowl, Stiles calls out that he’s going to jump into the shower.

As the water pours over him, Stiles closes his eyes. The strange marking on his dog flashes in his mind and suddenly he’s picturing sweaty muscles rippling beneath the design. _A triskele_. Not sure of how he knows that, he rubs along his body, washing away his day, daydreaming about a stubbled jaw and piercing hazel eyes. Knowing he’s never seen such a beautiful man, he lets the fantasy take over. Trailing his hand down, he wraps himself in a fist and gets off on the image of the broad expanse of shoulders and a well defined chest.

Drying himself off, Stiles throws a towel around his waist and heads to the kitchen for a glass of water. He’s stopped short with the sight of Shadow sitting in his doorway staring at him with the same intensity from the shelter. “Whatcha doin’ buddy?” The dog cocks his head, walks over and sniffs at his hand. The same hand he… _ew_! “Dude, bro code! Thall shalt not sniff and all that…”

Walking by, he continues his way out to the kitchen. “Hmm, I should have probably fed you earlier cause you’re gonna wanna go out later if I feed you now. Oh well. We live and we learn.”

Rinsing out the water bowl, he refills it before cleaning and filling the food bowl. “Alright, there ya go.” His eyes narrow as Shadow doesn’t move from his spot in Stiles’ doorway. “Seriously? Come on, you gotta be hungry? No? _Really_? Okay, fine. But I’m not keeping the bowl out, you’ll have to wait until breakfast. What about water? Want a drink before bed? I know, I know, it’s kinda early. Don’t judge me.” Stiles stares at the clock. 7:45pm. Hell, he’s judging himself. “It’s been a long day for me bud. Normally, I stay up until at least 9, promise.”

Back in his room, Stiles pulls on his sleep pants and crawls into bed. “Well?” He pats the spot next to him. “If you didn’t notice, I didn’t buy you a pet bed… Unless you don’t want to sleep up here. I mean I guess you could sleep on the couch or floor, or I mean, you know… wherever…” He’s cut short when Shadow jumps on the bed, taking the spot next to Stiles. A small smile plays on his face. “Thanks Shadow.” His eyes close and he falls into the best sleep he’s had in a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Why are you drawing Derek Hale?”_
> 
> _“Derek... Hale? I’m not, I don’t even know who that is.”_
> 
> _His father seems to relax at that and gestures towards the paper. Stiles holds it up for him to take. After staring at it for a moment, the sheriff says, “come with me.” ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *what even is a 'comma'? as always all mistakes are my own.*

Stiles is happy. Loves the feeling he gets when Shadow runs up to him after being gone. Loves how the dog curls around him when he sleeps. And even though Shadow can’t speak, Stiles feels no shortage of conversation when the dog raises his eyebrows in reply. 

The days go by quickly and it’s like he’s always been there. So integrated into his life now, that Stiles can barely think about the days before Shadow came into his life. The only hiccup in their relationship came with the fact that the dog refused to eat his food, deciding rather to hunt for his meals. It was of no concern to Stiles until Shadow started  _ sharing _ his food.

At first it was squirrel, then a rabbit. He had to put his foot down when Shadow tried to bring him a raccoon. “Uh uh buddy. No way! You kill it, you keep it. I’ll stick with what’s in the fridge, thanks.”

Shadow looks affronted and really how can a dog look affronted? There’s a pang at his heart at the small whine that escapes Shadow. “Listen, I just— I appreciate the gifts, I do. I just don’t eat that stuff. I prefer my meat to be prepackaged from the grocery store. Okay?” There’s a huff of breathe before the dog walks away from him.

That night he dreams of fire. There’s a house in the woods that once stood proudly, now engulfed in flames. Stiles watches as the roof collapses. Smoke billows all around him as screams fill the air. He tries running towards the sound but strong arms pull him back.

“Stiles, no!”

He’s met with concerned eyes. He doesn’t know the man. Not really. A forgotten fantasy. He tries to struggle, to free himself as screams echo all around him.

Then silence. The arms once holding him are gone. He turns in a circle, trying to find the man, but instead is met with a boy, a teenager. The face is familiar though he can’t seem to place it. Tears stream from his eyes and he doesn’t know why but he wants to wrap the boy up in the safety of his arms.

Reaching out, he feels nothing, sees nothing. With the boy gone, he looks at the ruined remains of the house. A sob escapes his lips.  _ Derekderekderek _ …

He hears his name being called and feels a pressure on his arm, like he’s being shaken awake and jolts out of bed. His heart pounds as he tries to find the intruder. Clearly his mind is playing tricks on him because the only other presence there is Shadow. There’s a small whine as the dog looks at him carefully. “Sorry, boy. Bad dream.” Climbing back into bed, Stiles sighs when Shadow curls around him, wrapping him in a protective blanket. Feeling the rhythmic rise of fall of his companions chest, he uses it to steady his erratic heartbeat, allowing it to lull him back into sleep.

It’s been a week and the dreams come regularly now. He’s woken by his name and the pressure of being shaken, but no one’s ever there. Just Shadow looking at him, eyes full of concern.

Something nags at his mind that this isn’t just some random dream, it’s a memory. Whether it’s his own, he’s not sure. He wants to ask his dad about it. Surely if there was a large house fire, he’d know. Especially if people were injured, or worse, killed. Something holds him back though.

The decision is taken away from him soon after. Images of the man and boy play in his head. Sitting at his desk for his shift at the sheriff station, he pulls out a sheet of paper and starts sketching the faces. He stares down at the man from his fantasy and dreams. No matter how hard he tries, he draws a blank as to who he is. The only clue he has is the triskele on his back. The strange marking also on his dog. Something to do with Shadow? He’s not sure how he missed the connection before.

He places the sketch away before beginning on the boy. When he draws the eyes, he realizes that they’re the same as the man. He’s so lost in concentration that he doesn’t hear his father approach. “Son?”

He looks up and is confused by the worried look on his father's face. “What’s up dad? Something wrong?”

“Why are you drawing Derek Hale?”

“Derek...  _ Hale _ ? I’m not, I don’t even know who that is.”

His father seems to relax at that and gestures towards the paper. Stiles holds it up for him to take. After staring at it for a moment, the sheriff says, “come with me.”

Following his dad into the tiny office, he stands at the desk as the sheriff rifles through his drawers. He stares at the picture that’s handed to him. It’s the boy from his dreams. “I don’t understand. Who is he?”

Stiles watches as his dad pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. “That’s Derek Hale. His entire family was murdered 5 years ago. His body was never found.”

“5 years? I don’t remember this. When was this picture taken? Cause he’s a kid in this. I would have known him. I don’t remember him though.”

A pained look crosses his father's face and it looks like he wants to say more, but doesn’t. A knock interrupts them as one the deputy’s pulls him out for a call.

Taking the picture and his drawing back to his desk, Stiles pulls out the sketch of the man. He racks his brain, trying to recall a time in which he met the boy, but can’t. He wonders why the boy and man look so much alike and why he feels that they’re the same person.

Back at home, he sits on the couch, Shadow lying over his lap. “I don’t know what’s going on with me. I can’t get these guys outta my head.” Shadow’s head perks up, and Stiles could swear he’s frowning. “Okay, not guys, a guy. Or at least I think they’re the same.” Running his hands through Shadows fur, he talks about his repeated dreams, about the man and boy, his theory that they’re the same person.

It’s when he mentions Derek Hale that a whimper escapes Shadow. “Huh. Do you know who that is? Was he your owner? Before the fire?” Stiles watches in confusion as tears falls from Shadows eyes. He stretches out on the couch, pulling the dog closer. “Okay, it’s okay.”

He’s missing something. He knows it. Between the triskele and the dreams, the way Shadow behaves, his mind is screaming at him to put it together. But there’s something missing.

The dream is different this time. There’s no fire. The house stands tall, untainted. The boy, Derek, sits on the porch and gives him a bright smile when he approaches. “Stiles!”

He goes to move, but can’t. He’s already there. Or at least a younger version of himself. He watches as he walks into the boy’s arms, blushes when they kiss. His heart hurts, but he doesn’t know why.

The scene changes and he’s in a room. The boys are curled together on the bed, watching a movie. They talk about school and friends. An older woman knocks on the door and asks if he’s staying for dinner. Well, his younger self at least.

He’s watches the dinner. The ease with which his younger self appears with these  _ strangers _ . Stiles doesn’t remember this, but he can clearly see himself sitting there. Even though he’s dreaming, he knows this is a memory he somehow lost. Sadness overtakes him and he runs from the house.

Not paying attention, he runs into someone. Looking up, he sees it’s the man,  _ older _ Derek. He can tell for sure now, after watching his younger self with the boy. He has the same eyes, the same smile… Without knowing why, he wraps his arms around Derek’s waist, pushing in closer, sobbing into the man’s chest.

The last word he hears before he wakes is  _ mate. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments give me life <3
> 
> chat with me on [tumblr](http://evanesdust.tumblr.com/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Mate. The word plays in his head like a broken record. Stiles wakes to a low whine and Shadow pawing at his face. He ruffles the dogs fur and has an overwhelming feeling to pull him close. With his arms wrapped around Shadow, he recalls his dream and a sob escapes him. He can’t get over the feeling that he’s missing something. ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh... we find out some things...
> 
> *what even is a 'comma'? as always all mistakes are my own.*

_Mate_. The word plays in his head like a broken record. Stiles wakes to a low whine and Shadow pawing at his face. He ruffles the dogs fur and has an overwhelming feeling to pull him close. With his arms wrapped around Shadow, he recalls his dream and a sob escapes him. He can’t get over the feeling that he’s missing something.

The days go by and Stiles no longer dreams of fire. Instead, every night is a new dream, a new memory of Derek. Because that’s what they are. He tries talking to his dad about them, but the crease in the sheriff’s forehead gets deeper every time Stiles brings them up. An unease grows in the pit of his stomach at what it could mean.

He tries researching. Mates, dreams, memories…but nothing comes up, the searches too vague. Then he researches Derek. With the exception of articles about the fire, there wasn’t much information about the Hale family. He scrolls through page after page, hoping to find _something_. He almost gives up, but then sees an article about Talia Hale.

The Hale property stands on the outskirts of town, near the preserve. But before the land was actually preserved, a real estate developer had tried buying it, wanting to put in condos and businesses. Talia Hale, Derek’s mother had fought against this. The article on his screen is of Talia’s win against the developer. In the article is a picture of Talia with her family, Derek included. But that’s not what draws his attention. No. What stands out to him is the boy standing next to Derek. A boy that looks exactly like him.

It’s the last straw. He’s confronting his father. Printing the picture out, he races out of his apartment, calling a quick goodbye to Shadow. He tries to calm himself on the drive, trying not to speed, but his mind is racing. _What does it all mean?_

He rushes past the front desk, without so much as asking if his dad is busy. Barging into the office, he slams the picture down on the desk. “Explain!” He yells as he points to himself. “What is this? How am I in this picture?!” The words come out harsher than intended but he won’t take them back. He’s woken with a headache every day, only relieved when he holds Shadow, but it’s tiring. He’s exhausted from it and from the ache in his chest when he wakes without Derek by his side.

A tear falls from his father's eyes. He almost feels bad but then his father says, “I’m so sorry,” and he just knows.

“What did you do? What’s going on? What happened? What did you do to me?!” His face is red and wet. When did he start crying?

Arms wrap around him as he sobs into his father’s chest. “I’ll tell you, Stiles. I’ll tell you.”

He allows himself to be led to the couch and takes the Kleenex handed to him. “Well?” his voice comes out hoarse.

“I don’t know where to begin…”

“How do I know Derek?”

The sheriff unbuttons the top of his uniform and walks over to the door shutting it. Stiles watches as he closes the blinds after he notices the deputies watching them. His dad pulls one of the chairs in front of the couch and sits in front of him. After clearing his throat, he begins. “You’ve known Derek you’re whole life. Your mom and Talia, that’s—”

“Derek’s mom, I know.” He gets increasingly agitated when his father just sits there. “Dad!”

“Just give me a minute, son. This is complicated. It’s not as easy as saying you were friends, there’s a lot more going on here than you realize!” at the last word, his father slams his fist down on the arm of his chair.

He startles at the force of the words. He hasn’t been yelled at in years. “Okay, dad, just— just tell me. _Please…”_

“You’ve known Derek since you were born. And I mean, literally within minutes of your life, Derek was there. He wasn’t that much older than you, just a few months. Claudia and Talia were... _close_. So you grew up together.”

“But why don’t I remember him?”

“I’m getting to that. When you were 16, the fire happened. I don’t know how much you’ve researched, but there was this woman, Kate Argent. We’re not sure why or how exactly because she also died in the fire, but she trapped the Hale’s in the house. I already told you that everyone died. We accounted for _every_ body, except Derek. No one’s seen him since.”

There’s a hesitation and Stiles knows that there’s more. “You’re leaving something out.”

“You were there. The night of the fire. You and Derek had gone to the movies and you were staying over after. When you got back, the house was already in flames. Derek had to pull you back. Or at least that’s what you said. By the time I got there, Derek was gone.”

There’s another pause and Stiles feels his frustration rising. He takes a deep breath and tries to lead his father along. “So what do you think happened?”

“I honestly don’t know, Stiles. We looked and looked. You told us every hiding spot you two had, but nothing. There was no trace of him. We looked, rangers looked, hunters looked.”  
  
“Hunters?”

“Chris Argent—”

“Argent? Like Kate Argent? But you just said—”

“Her brother. But he’s not like her. He’s a friend. Kate and her father, they were—”

He waves it away. She’s not important, he doesn’t think. Not to this. “It doesn’t matter, just… Everyone was looking… _Okay_?” He makes a gesture for his dad to continue.

“Stiles. You have to understand. What I did, I did for you. When we couldn’t find Derek...you didn’t take it well. Stiles you were depressed. You were crying all the time. You were inconsolable.” The sheriff’s voice grows frantic with each proclamation. “You stopped sleeping, you stopped eating… I didn’t know what to do! It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.”

“What dad? What?” His palms are sweating and his heart beats erratically. He wants to know, needs to know, but is scared of what he’ll learn.

“I couldn’t--you were practically dying. Every day you were worse, and I couldn’t lose you, too! So I had to.”

“Had to what?!” Stiles all but yells at his father.

“I had them wiped, Stiles. Your memories.”

A laugh escapes him. “You _wiped_ my memories? Dad, that’s...that’s…” He wants to say that it’s ridiculous, that he doesn’t believe him, because that’s not a _thing_ that happens. Memories can’t just be erased. But it makes so much sense. How his dreams aren’t really dreams, they _are_ memories. That _his father_ had erased! “You… How? How?!”

There’s a ringing in his ears and he can’t breathe. He clutches his chest as his heart races. His world is spinning out of control. He knows his father is talking to him, trying to stop his panic attack, but he can’t focus. Not on his father. Closing his eyes, he pictures Derek. He thinks about his latest dreams. His mind calls to the older Derek. Stiles can see him clearly. “Stiles? Stiles, breathe.” His hand is placed on Derek’s chest. “Focus on my heartbeat. Breathe with me, Stiles.”

It takes a few moments, but his breathing regulates, and he can feel his heart calming. “Okay, okay.” Arms wrap around him and in his mind,  he sees Derek pulling him close, but when his eyes open, it’s the sheriff. He doesn’t know what to feel. It’s all too much. He wants to close his eyes and see Derek, but the connection is lost. “I’m okay, dad. I’m okay. I just—” he pushes away and sees hurt cross his father’s eyes, but he can’t bring himself to care. “I can’t be here right now.”

“There’s more, Stiles.”

His heart aches because he knows, but there’s only so much he can take. “I know. _Obviously_.” Stiles doesn’t bother hiding the contempt he feels at the moment. He’ll feel guilty about it later.

Heading home, he drags himself to bed. He buries himself in the warmth of Shadow as the dog curls around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry about the cliffhanger again... i swear it's never my intention. i actually try _not _to end with them, but this story hates me.__
> 
> __kudos and comments give me life <3_ _
> 
> __chat with me on[tumblr](http://evanesdust.tumblr.com/)_ _


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He knows what’s happening this time as he watches the flames spread. Stiles allows himself to be pulled back to a nearby tree. He cries into young Derek’s arms until the boy lets out a wail. It’s the most agonizing sound he’s ever heard. Ever more so than the screams coming from the house. He stares in shock as Derek’s hazel eyes flicker to gold, then red. Watches as his face morphs. Into what, he’s not sure. It’s not until the boy starts clutching his stomach in pain, groaning, that Stiles steps forward. “Derek? Derek?!” ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *what even is a 'comma'? as always all mistakes are my own.*

“Stiles, no!”

He knows what’s happening this time as he watches the flames spread. Stiles allows himself to be pulled back to a nearby tree. He cries into young Derek’s arms until the boy lets out a wail. It’s the most agonizing sound he’s ever heard. Ever more so than the screams coming from the house. He stares in shock as Derek’s hazel eyes flicker to gold, then red. Watches as his face morphs. Into what, he’s not sure. It’s not until the boy starts clutching his stomach in pain, groaning, that Stiles steps forward. “Derek? Derek?!”

He tries to help, but he doesn’t know what’s happening. He lets out an audible gasp when Derek’s clothes start to shred as his entire body changes. Derek is writhing on the ground, limbs making a painful cracking sound as they change shape. Tufts of black fur replacing the usual tan complexion. When the groaning stops, Stiles is staring at a familiar large, black dog. “ _Shadow_?”

A ferocious snarl leaves the animal’s mouth and he scrambles backwards until his back hits the tree. With a grunt, he tries to right himself, but has to cover his ears when Shadow lets out a loud howl. The dog waits for a moment, like he’s listening for a response before he turns to Stiles. There’s a tentative step forward before his ears perk up. In the next second, he’s gone.

Sirens can be heard in the distance, but Stiles stays by the tree, hugging his legs. He’s confused. Derek is Shadow? As he sits there, he watches police cruisers, fire trucks, and an ambulance pull up to the house. It’s chaos as his father exits his cruiser, running up to him. Or not to him, not anymore. His younger self is there now. The sheriff pulls him into a hug. He explains that Derek called, asks Stiles where he is.

He doesn’t want to watch but can’t help it as his younger self recounts what happened. What’s most shocking to him is the calmness with which the boy talks about Derek’s... _shift_? Almost like it’s nothing. He does seem a little surprised at the fact that Derek did a full shift. And his father...his father just stands there, nodding, face pulled down in a frown at the boy’s words. The sheriff looks back at the house with tears in his eyes. “Oh _Derek…_ ”

The world fades out as Stiles feels himself pulled from sleep. His face is wet and at first, he thinks that Shadow’s been licking him again, but then he realizes that he’s crying. He’s pulled close to warm body, and he should be concerned except he knows who it is because Shadow is Derek. The knowledge makes him cry harder and he clutches at the man. He stares into worried eyes as he lets himself be soothed.

When he’s calmed down, he pulls away slightly, not wanting to let go. “Derek?”

The man nods, but offers no words, just continues to rub his hands along Stiles’ back. They sit there for a moment, just holding each other. Derek’s grip around him tightens and Stiles can hear a hitch of breath. A low growl escapes the man. Stiles’ eyes widen as he watches Derek shift into Shadow, like it’s nothing. Not like the agonizing memory he just lived through. He reaches out and asks what’s wrong when his doorbell rings followed by hurried knocks.

“Stiles!” He relaxes slightly at the sound of his father’s voice. His mind is reeling though. From his memory being wiped, to seeing Derek become Shadow. He thinks he’s going crazy because he should be more shocked by the latter, but somehow, he’s not. He’s pats Shadow on the head, a gesture he should probably stop, before padding to the door.

“Hey dad.” Stiles holds the door open for this father to enter. He looks back at Shadow, still hovering in the bedroom doorway. Nodding outside, he says, “need to go? Or can you use the toilet?”

“Toilet?”

He looks at his dad, with an eyebrow raised. “Uh uh, you don’t get to ask questions yet.” When Shadow doesn’t move from his spot, Stiles closes the door. “Do you want anything to drink dad? I need caffeine.”

“No.”

Walking to the kitchen, he grabs a soda from the fridge and sit on the couch next to his dad. “Alright, so yesterday was... _enlightening_ , to say the least. Last night was even more revealing, but before we get to that-” he takes a deep breath- “how did you wipe my memories? I don’t understand.”

“There’s a druid. Her name is Julia. She works with...me sometimes.”

Stiles holds his hands up, tired of the runaround. “Dad, you’re leaving things out, aren’t you? I can tell. Just tell me everything, okay?”

“I can’t, Stiles. There are things you don’t know. Not yet. You wouldn’t under—”

“Understand? I wouldn’t understand? For _weeks_ I have been dreaming about the Hale fire. I _told_ you this! I told you when I started dreaming about Derek. All you’ve done is evade, and avoid, and give half-truths. I’m done. Tell me _everything_! Tell me _how_ my memories are gone. How I’m dreaming about Derek, both younger and older, cause yeah... I’ve seen him dad. He’s still very much alive. _And for the love of God_! Tell my how he’s currently sitting here as _MY DOG_!”

At this, the sheriff stares down at Shadow, his eyes narrow as he takes in the creature in front of him. “Derek?” There’s a gasp as Shadow’s eyes bleed red. His dad jumps off the couch, pulling Stiles with him. “He’s been here the entire time?”

“Well no, I mean, I just found him a few weeks ago. You know that.”  
  
“No, but you know he’s Derek.” The sheriff grips his elbows, eyes scanning his face wildly. “How’d you know he’s Derek.”

“The—the dreams,” he says, confused by the panic coming from his father. “Last night I dreamt of the fire again. I watched him shift and run away.”

“So you remember? How do you remember?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t, dad. I don’t remember.”

“But you just said ‘shift’. You watched Derek shift.”

“In the dream--the memory… I talked to you, or I _watched_ myself talk to you. I told you that Derek shifted and ran off. It’s how you knew he wasn’t in the house. It’s how you knew the other body was Kate. What I don’t know, is how he can do that. I _used_ to know. _You_ know. And I need you to tell me. It’s like there’s a puzzle in my head. I can see _all_ the pieces, except this one. Tell me, dad.”

“He’s a werewolf, son. They all were.”

“A werewolf? Like a supernatural creature? A werewolf?” He sits back on the couch, brain suddenly too overloaded with information. Scratching at his head, he sighs. From his memories, it all makes sense. He’s seen movies, watched television shows. Occam’s razor, right? “I still don’t understand something. Why did he run off? And how come he’s still a dog? He was human earlier.”

“He was what?”

“When I woke up, he was holding me. _Derek_ was holding me. I’m pretty sure he’s been waking me up when the dreams are bad. But I don’t get why he shifts back.” Stiles looks down at the dog...wolf? “Why, Derek?”

The sheriff answers as the ‘wolf whines. “I think I know… When Talia— When—” Stiles can see how hard his father is trying to keep his composure. He places a hand on the man’s knee, suddenly unable to be upset with him. “She was the alpha, Stiles. When she died...it should have been Laura to take over, but she was also in the house. Derek was the next oldest. According to Julia, when the alpha powers passed to him, he was overwhelmed. I told her what you said about his shift and she agreed. He wasn’t meant to be an alpha. He certainly wasn’t meant to be an alpha so young. He couldn’t control it. She thinks he went feral. But you’re saying that he’s shifting.”  
  
“Yeah, but I mean obviously-” he gestures at the ‘wolf sitting at his feet- “something’s still wrong.”

“Julia. We need to see Julia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments give me life <3
> 
> chat with me on [tumblr](http://evanesdust.tumblr.com/)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whelp! here's another chapter! sorry it's so short... 
> 
> *what even is a 'comma'? as always all mistakes are my own.*

“What am I doing here Sheriff?” The woman, Julia, stands in his living room, looking around, tentatively. Her eyes narrow as she glances towards Stiles’ bedroom. “Sheriff, did you know there’s a ‘wolf here?”

Stiles steps forward. “Uh yeah, hi. That’s Shadow, er, Derek. Whom I  _ remember _ , by the way. Shoddy work with the whole memory thing.”

She scoffs at him. “ _ Shoddy _ ? What? Sheriff, who is this kid?”

“This is Stiles.”

“No it’s not. Stiles wouldn’t remember. Stiles  _ can’t  _ remember. I put a—”

“Stiles  _ does  _ remember. Hence, the shoddy. Anyways, I don’t remember  _ everything _ . So... _ fix it _ .” He should stop. He’s being a little rude. But honestly, the idea that someone rooted around in his head, stealing his memories has him rightfully pissed. And unfortunately for Julia, his anger against his father has somewhat dissipated.

“Fix it?” She scoffs at him. “There’s nothing to fix. You said the werewolf here is Derek, right?” Stiles nods in affirmation. “Well,  _ that’s  _ why you’re remembering. This was never a permanent spell. It was just until your mate came back.”

Mate. That word again. “Mate? What is that? That’s like the one thing—”

“Listen, if Derek’s really here, you don’t need me. Not really. You’ll remember everything in time. I  _ can _ speed it up if you want. Just tell Derek to come out here, it’ll be easier with his help.”

“Uh, I really don’t think that Derek’s in any shape help.”

“Why? Is he injured?” she heads to the bedroom. “You should have called me earlier, what happened?”

Stiles grabs her arm. “No, it’s— Listen, he’s not...hurt, he just-” Stiles calls for Shadow- “he’s kinda still a dog, er, wolf,” he says as Shadow pads into the room.

Her eyes widen. “He’s still  _ feral _ ? You have a  _ feral  _ werewolf in your home?” She backs up slowly, until Shadow flashes his eyes. “Huh. Okay. Wait.”

Kneeling beside him, the druid brings her hand up, placing on his forehead. “Derek? Do you understand me?”

The ‘wolf nods and huffs out a breath, before he looks bored and plops himself at Stiles’ feet.

“Okay, so, I don’t think he’s feral. Not really. Clearly he’s... _ domesticated _ ?”

“He shifts.”

“Shifts? Like he’s not always…”

“He’s woken me from my dreams a few times. He always shifts back though... Today was the first day he stayed human long enough for me to see.”

“What’d you dream about?”

“The fire. Him shifting into-” he gestures at Shadow- “into this.”

“Okay, that’s probably why he stayed human. He probably could sense that you didn’t know about him so kept hiding so he didn’t scare you.”

“And now? Because I  _ clearly  _ know.”

“I don’t have all the answers for you. Derek went feral when he became the Alpha. It’s not something he should have ever had, let alone so young. There’s training involved, both mental and physical.”

“Yeah and it was supposed to be Laura.”

“Yeah...it was.” There was a pain in her eyes that Stiles knows all too well. “But anyways, to make a long story short. In some ways he’s probably still feral. If he’s been living as the wolf for so long, he’s bound to have lost some of his humanity. I’m sorry to say that if you remembered him, he’d probably be fine.”

He clenches his jaw and glares at his father. Opening his mouth to say something, Julia stops him.

“When Derek disappeared, you started to  _ suffer _ , Stiles. Derek’s your mate. You don’t remember what that is... _ fine _ , I’ll explain. Every ‘wolf has one. The perfect person for them. Another supernatural, a human? It doesn’t matter. You’re Derek’s. The point is, when he disappeared, you suffered. So your dad came to me and I offered this solution.”

“To steal my memories.”

“Not  _ stolen _ . Just...blocked. Until Derek came back. How was I supposed to know he’d stay gone so long?”

“Okay, so what? You unblock me or whatever, and he’s fine?”

“I don’t know. We can try? I just— If he’s lived as the wolf for so long… I don’t want to make a promise I can’t keep.”

“He talks to me in my dreams. Not past him, younger him. But Derek as he is now. It’s not much, usually he just holds me, says my name, mate, but he’s in there. He’s Derek. We have to try.”

“Okay.”

*****

Stiles sticks by Julia’s side when she leaves to gather ingredients for the spell. He’s so lost in watching her work that he misses when she starts talking to him.

“Hmm, yeah. Sorry. What did you say?”

Julia is staring down at a spell book, but Stiles can see her glance up at him. “I asked if you remembered me at all. From your dreams.”

Stiles roots around his brain, recalling the dreams he’s had. “No, everything has mostly surrounded the night of the fire. A few dates and family dinners.”

“Yeah, I suppose I wasn’t really there a whole lot for those.”

“Did I— Did we know each other?”

Julia nods, finally looking up at him. “Not well, mind you. But yes, we saw each other often.”

“Because you were their emissary?”

“Because I was training to be Laura’s. Dr. Deaton was their emissary, but he left after…” her voice trails off sadly. “He asked if I wanted to complete my training even though Lau-- even though I wouldn’t have an alpha.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Julia.” He can’t imagine the loss she went through. He’ll know soon though, he guesses.

She wipes at her eyes, putting all the ingredients in a bag. “It’s— Well, not fine, but… I’m able to help new emissaries so at least everything I learned isn’t going to waste. I’ve helped some packs that have lost their emissaries, but yeah, it’s...not the same.” Julia gets a faraway look in her eyes, like she’s remembering the past. “And I’ll help you, if you decide you want...I mean, Derek will need an emissary. Who better than his mate?”

“You. *You* need a pack, an alpha. He might not be Laura, but he is a Hale. Believe me when I say, from the memories I *do* have, getting the rest of them back is going to be overwhelming. Plus just helping Derek regain his humanity…”

“We’ll...figure it out. We’ll take it step by step, Stiles.” Julia looks at him with kind eyes. “Now, let’s go get your memories back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments give me life <3
> 
> chat with me on [tumblr](http://evanesdust.tumblr.com/)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy crap you guys!!!!!!!!!!!! it's been a while. and i feel absolute hoooooooooooooorrible about it. but words were not coming and it was hard and life got difficult. but that's no excuse. i am so sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorry!! i'm also writing this at 6:30am because i was literally pulled from sleep at like 4am to write. so as always any and all mistakes are my own!!!! like what even is a 'comma'??????????

Smoke billows around him, but Stiles knows what to expect now. The memories are a welcomed gift as they flood his mind. Maybe not the fire, but the movie before the fire, his last date with Derek. The last family dinner Stiles shared with the Hale pack. More and more images from the life he lost, that was taken from him.

He stands to the side watching himself with Derek. Lacrosse games, basketball games, school, vacations. Stiles sees himself blush on their first ‘official’ date, their first kiss. He sheds a tear when he sees Derek hold him through his mother’s funeral, all her treatments and tests at the hospital.  
  
It’s overwhelming to see how intertwined his life was with Derek. No wonder he’d felt off, incomplete. He was literally missing half of himself. The sheriff wasn’t lying when he said that Stiles had known Derek his entire life. It’s an odd sight to watch yourself as a child, a baby…

He groans and blinks awake. A heavy arm is slung around his middle. “D’rek?” But the warmth doesn’t move.  
  
“He’s gonna be out for a while I think.”  
  
The voice startles him. “Jules?”  
  
“Ahh, you do remember me.”

“It was either that, or I apparently called you Bacardi.”  
  
Julia snorts. “Never could get my last name right, eh, Mieczysław?”  
  
“So not fair.” He complains about the ease with which she pronounces his given name. Julia hands him pain pills and a glass of water, which he takes gladly. There’s a pain behind his eyes and he feels like he was run over by a truck. “So what— what happened?”  
  
“We came back to your apartment for the spell. You laid down. Derek--er, Shadow? He, uh, climbed up next to you. I don’t think we’ll have to do anything for him. I think when you started getting your memories back, he did too. Shifted almost right away. Roared pretty loud. I’m surprised no one called the sheriff’s department on us.”

Stiles nods. “Dad’s here, right?” She gestures towards the doorway where Stiles can see into the living room, where the sheriff is asleep on the couch. “That’s why. Cruiser’s here. People probably assumed...” He shrugs and lies back down, and even passed out, Derek’s arms tighten around him. “How long do you think he…?”

Julia shakes her head. “Don’t really know. I’ve done the spell once before. It was after you. A kidnapping and the mate was—” her movements indicate that it was similar to his situation, so he nods knowingly. “But he had— her mate was back within months, not years. And even then, the spell only affected her.

“But! He’s shifted back and from what I can see he looks fine. His color is good, when he roared, his eyes flashed, but went back to normal right away. Honestly, right now, it just looks like he’s sleeping. He’s not unconscious, it’s not a coma, he’s just... _sleeping_.”

Julia rubs her palms on her thighs. “I’ll be here though. Until he wakes up. Try and help with… whatever mess I made.”  
  
“You didn’t— you _tried_ , Jules. You had no idea this was gonna happen.” Stiles reaches out and takes her hand. “You’d just lost Laura. Who else better to know what I was going through?” He squeezes gently.  
  
“That’s it though. I did know. _Do_ know. I would go through a thousand deaths before I let anyone take even one second of her away from me.” There’s nothing to say after that so she leaves the room.

Stiles closes his eyes and tears built as he mourns for the Hales, his lost family. Yes, he’d mourned before, five years ago when they’d died, but the memories are fresh now, an open wound. He cries for the loss of a woman he grew to love as another mother, even before he’d lost his own. Turning, he buries his face in Derek’s chest and he feels a small rumbling. Hazel eyes stare down at him when he opens his eyes. “ _Derek_ …”

Derek nods and brushes his lips on the top of Stiles’ head. “Stiles.” The voice is rough. Whether it’s from sleep or hardly being used in five years, he’s not sure. “Mate.”  
  
“That’s right, big guy. Don’t strain yourself on the love and affection there buddy.” He banters as if no time has passed at all, but he brings his arms up and wraps them around Derek’s neck, clinging to him. “You left. _You left me, Der_.” His own voice is rough, broken.

“I— I cou—” Derek inhales quickly and his breathing turns ragged. A loud sob escapes him, and Stiles pulls him close.

“I’m sorry. I am so sorry, Derek. I know. I don’t blame you. You couldn’t control it.” Stiles talks. He keeps talking, apologizing--explaining while Derek cries. There’s movement from the corner of his eye and he knows both Julia and his dad are up, listening, while still trying to give them some semblance of privacy.

Minutes go by, hours? Stiles isn’t sure, but he holds Derek through all of it. He answers the unasked questions as best he can and when he can’t, Julia or the sheriff step in to help. Not moving from the bed, Stiles watches as Derek clings to the sheriff first and then Julia, the only remaining family--pack he has left.

*****

“Jule come by?”

It’s clear that years spend shifted have someone hindered Derek’s speaking ability. Derek remembers words, but not always how to form them. It’s a process but one that Stiles will happily go through for his mate.

“She said she’d be by later. She’s gotta finish up with the emissary for the Sandler pack.”

Derek finishes unloading the dishwasher and walks to the calendar. “Not done?” he asks, pointing the red circled date of the day before.  
  
“Not yet, babe. I guess they messed up a spell and ran out of some ingredients, but either way, she’ll be here, just tonight instead of this morning.” It’s the first full moon since Derek’s shifted back and he wants--needs his emissary.

“M’kay.” The ‘wolf says, and he walks up behind Stiles. Stiles sighs as Derek grips his waist and pulls him close.

It’s only been a few weeks since their memories have returned, and Stiles and Derek have been inseparable ever since. Well, they’ve been inseparable since Stiles brought Shadow home, Stiles just didn’t know it was Derek at the time. With the exception of Derek walking around on two legs instead of four, nothing has really changed for them.

The sheriff had wondered if maybe Derek would want a separate space so he could work through things, but both Derek and Stiles gave the sheriff a look that suggested he just try to keep them apart. The sheriff then suggested they get a bigger place, which Stiles was going to shoot down until Derek stopped him, suggesting rebuilding the Hale house.

Stiles looked at him curiously, so they talked about pack. How Derek would need to grow it soon. Julia had warned him. Was actually quite shocked that he hadn’t turned anyone while feral, but Derek had explained that it was less that he was feral and more like he was a blank slate. He ran because he couldn’t control the shift and for those first couple of weeks, until Stiles’ memories had been erased—

“Blocked, Stiles!”

Blocked--yes, he had been feral, but he was so lost in the woods, deep where no humans ever traveled. By the time he’d made it anywhere close to populace, he was a clean slate. He wasn’t an animal, he knew that even if his body showed otherwise. But he also wasn’t human since he couldn’t shift back. Not until he woke Stiles from that first dream. And even then, Derek said it was just instinct. He recognized Stiles was his mate and his mate needed help. He admitted to staying a wolf because it was easier, and he wasn’t sure if Stiles would be as welcoming. Not until that final dream where Derek shifted.

It wasn’t perfect. Their life would be hard. Trying to pick up the pieces that had been shattered five years ago, but they’d work through it. Because even though they had both been lost, they were eventually found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea if any of this makes any sense. i woke up and felt the pull to go to my computer and words happened. was it even for this story?? lajdfljadfjlajdf i have no idea 😂... as of right now, this story is done. i'm sure there are questions, but this was literally just a snip into their life, from stiles finding shadow, to realizing the his memories were erased-- "Blocked!!!"-- yeah, whatever! lol. to derek shifting back. but if you do have questions, ask 'em. i'll answer :) 
> 
> comments and kudos give me liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiffffffffffffffeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments give me life <3
> 
> chat with me on [tumblr](http://evanesdust.tumblr.com/)


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